Thank God for Grace!!

So the college group I go to at Rocky Peak Church, Soma, is going through a series called "Movement." Last night's sermon focused on spiritual discipline and how that relates to our spiritual growth. It was a very eye opening and exciting evening for me.
One of the students was mentioning how he first started out with lot's of discipline when it came to his Bible reading. Even mornings when he didn't want to read he would do it, and pretty soon that discipline...turned to desire and hunger and a want to read the word. The speaker asked the audience, how many of you are there?
I felt my hand raise.
What?
Now part of this was due to the fact that I zoned out for 1.5 seconds and was thinking "Yes I want to read" not "Yes I have this every day super thirst to get into the word." And part of it was because the speaker looked over my way and I just immidiately wanted to participate and look like a "good Christian" by saying "Yes I LOVE reading the Bible!!"

It took me a few minutes of thought to realize that was what it really was about. It's amazing how much motivation can go behind something that takes you a half a second to do.
So then I started thinking, where did that come from? I mean I have gone through times when I felt like that thirst, but right now I am actually going through a pretty "dry" spell when it comes to reading. Why do I feel so afraid to fess up to that? And why do I feel this need to pretend everything is together?

And I remembered something my boyfriend said. It's. A. Heart. Issue.
So many times as Christians (especially as women, I feel) have this need to perform or be the "Perfect Christian." (Whatever that is)And I realized that the reason the way I was reading the Bible wasn't working before is becasue I was approaching it like this quota that I had to reach for the day.
If I check reading the Bible off the list I will feel better. And if anyone asks I can say "Why yes I have been reading every day." And God will be pleased.

WOAH. Ok first off...what's up the the order of priority of those things? And second, as if me reading the Bible today is going to make God love me anymore. He already loves me daily the maximum amount available!! His GRACE is the only thing we need!!
So I decided to pray, and approach my reading in a different way. Instead of having a set amount of reading that I HAVE to get through every day...why not read and meditate on a few verses that pop out to me in the sermon? I feel like that leaves more time for reflection and learning than zooming through the books so I can check them off of my reading list.

So I cracked open a devotional book I had set aside a while back because I had decided it has you read only a couple of verses a day and that wasn't enough. So now, my devotional time is going to be based more on topics, thoughts, people in the Bible I'd like to learn from, one verse I am wrestling with that I heard in church, and so on.
I realized that I was focusing on the amount of pages I was going through, rather than the ideas and lessons God was trying to teach me. This new outlook seriously encouraged me today, and I hope it will encourage your too.
Oh and the devotional book I opened up is called "Women of the Bible." You spend a week learning about one woman, starting with Eve. I'm super excited to start this. May be you guys wanna check it out!